Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow

Ok I have finally done it. I have taken the first step and signed up for this blog. I'm not sure exactly what I will post here, or how often...
But I finally took a big dose of "catch yerself on" as they say in my part of the world, and realised that the biggest obstacle to my implementing change is myself.

The realisation that for the last few years my life is always about other people, and that I have been comfortable hiding behind that, using it as an excuse not to face challenges has finally spurred me on. Initially my reasoning was thus: "Oh I can't work here coz its too hard to get a work permit", which  I stemmed briefly with 2 years studying. But then I found a new mantra 'Oh the kids are too young, I need to be at home for them". Since then there have been countless projects  undertaken: from bed-covers and jewellery design to the more recent foray into web design, voluntary fan-forum management, and helping friends get started with social media platforms for their businesses.

Smokescreens one and all. Each and every one has been a foil for the fact that, in the past few years anyway, I've been too scared to step back out there, into the real world. The world where your work is given a monetary value and consequently there are real expectations attached to it.

Finally I can admit this to myself, and to any readers out there who aren't just on the page coz they are family (Hi Mum! LOL ) that "The workplace" has changed dramatically since I checked in at the airport with 100kgs of luggage to bring me to my new home, new fiancee and new start on literally the other side of the world.

And basically, I'm not good at failing. I've never been good at failure. So the fear of being found wanting in relevant skills, or knowledge, or aptitude to learn has held me back. But now, it is also what spurs me on, because that little groove of fear has got too comfortable and even I have seen that something needs to change. And the change has to happen soon, before the groove starts to spiral inwards on an irreversible downward path.

So yes, here goes.  A big deep breath, a glance over the precipice. It's time to step off that cliff and hope that I can still fly.

And one final comment - I'll start the real blog tomorrow ;)